Stop Looking/Start Seeing

“Put yourself in my shoes,

would you fight for your rights?”

One of the things that frustrates me most about some of the officers here (and the senior officers in particular) is how often what they say doesn’t match up with what they actually do. They tell me that the only way to get anywhere is to go about things in the right way, but when I do it is those who kick off who are rewarded just to placate them. When I submit complaints they tell me to come and speak to them instead, but when I do they either don’t want to know or they say they’ll sort it out but do nothing. They tell me to follow their example, but the example I see them setting is one of bullying, coercion, and discrimination. They tell me to follow the rules, but they frequently breach them themselves. They say they are looking at it from my point of view, but they really don’t see anything they don’t want to. What they’ll never understand is that they can walk through the gate but they will never understand what it is like on our side of the wall.

Stop Looking / Start Seeing by Papa Roach really reflects the feeling this leaves you with during those moments of extreme frustration and at some point enough has to be enough. There’s a time to lead and a time to follow. I won’t take this anymore.

You can read the full lyrics to the song here and you can listen to it on my Playlist section.

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2 thoughts on “Stop Looking/Start Seeing

  1. Adam- will read this post tonight-looks especially interesting.
    Today’s new word: RETROSPECTOSCOPE -will check online later (or earlier) if I can buy on. Not sure which orifice it goes up/down.

  2. Yes, that is also my experience of prison; trying to get prison workers to follow through with what they say they’ll do is virtually impossible. What happens is that, say, on Monday they’ll say something like “Talk to us”. Then come Wednesday once they’ve had a major mood crash, they’re no longer interested. Prison workers are incredibly inconsistennt, and to be very blunt, many of them exibit hypocisy in my opinion. If I started to emulate some of the officers I have met, it’d be a giant leap backwards, not forwards. Then if you point out what I would call ‘questionable’ behaviour, you just get that tired prison worker responce “I can’t comment” or that other prison worker classic “You’re being manipulative”. It’s not only true of officers, but also probation, health care workers etc. People said to me that when dealing with probation get everything in writing. But this also proved to be impossible because you just get something like “I have so and so many people on my caseload and I haven’t got time to sit around writing letters for you”. And so lack of commitment is continues. Prison workers don’t have the I-am-desperate-to-sort-out-my-life factor that many inmates have, certainly myself and it’s very easy for them to say certain things that simply don’t translate into reality. It is my opinion that the prison system and everything that means is exponentially more dangerous to society than the sum total of all the inmates. But of course that’s not how they see it, and why would they…

    Something I would like to add Adam, is that, I’m guessing you must get lots of shxt from certain officers as a result of writing this blog. I know how they don’t like critisism and being put in their place. If it were me personally, I probably wouldn’t of done any blogging while I was banged up, for the simple reason I wouldn’t of felt safe. Do you get unexpected IEP’s turn up which you know nothing about, or any other type of what I would call ‘covert, clandestine punishments’? I’d be interested to know.

    For me, prison was the most frustrating, traumatising thing I have ever been through and there are lots of specific reasons for that which are too long winded and painful to go into here. I have suffered much trauma and abuse in my life, but none of it comes close to prison. I understand that the people who work there don’t see it as abuse, but still what I say is accurate; trauma is trauma at the end of the day. It’s ironic that people who work there want you to tell them all about the horrible, traumatic things you’ve been through, but when you tell them ‘this’ is what I need help getting over they can’t deal with it. It simply doesn’t compute. I have been out of prison for years now, yet I still have major physical/mental health issues that came about through the irrational and illinformed decisions of certain people who work in the ‘justice’ system who will tell you with great conviction that they know what they are doing…I could continue to write and write about prison, but cannot as I need to bounce, but please keep up with this blog…Well done. And what I will say is that ALL inmates should have the possibility to vent and critisise (or praise) the prison system by a method that isn’t prison worker oriented, like this blog; people like psychology and mental health are a complete waste of time in my opinion…anyway must go…

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